Lies

All I do is lie, lie to myself about something or someone. At the end of the day, reality hits and all you get is dissapointment and sadness.

Sorry

I'm sorry, this isn't gonna work out.

What if

"What if clouds and lakes switched spots and every time you looked up you'd see waves being pulled by the moon and we'd wade through the clouds on a hot day. What if birds grew grass and the ground grew feathers. What if flowers were as tall as trees and trees as small as flowers."

Miracle

I walked over to the starting line with two other girls, those girls are the best and fastest runners in school. The sun shone like a torch in a mirror. As I put my hands before the starting line and bend down to my knees, a bead of salty sweat dripped down to the grass. All I could do was doubt myself, doubting that I wouldn't be able to even be as close to them when we sprint to the finish line. I was nervous, I felt intimidated and my heart was pumping really hard. Coach blew his whistle to signal us and off we ran. 10 meters away from the starting line I was already behind them, I shouted "FUCK" and started chasing up to them. Half way to the finish line, I turned my head to the left and found out I caught up and passed one of the fastest runners in school and all I could do was smile 'til the end of the finish line. "Look at that, all your hard work lead you to this, over taking one of the fastest runners in school" said coach. I nodded my head and walked away gasping for air. Because of this little miracle happened during athletics training, it made me believe that I can be so much more better if I actually work hard for it.

Sunlight

Under the mid-day sun, every inch of land was baked to golden brown. I slowly walked towards the path that leads me home. I sighed and looked up at the sunny blue sky. I was in dilemma. Upon reaching home, I went straight to my bedroom and lay on my bed. I closed my eyes. My brain had become the battle field between good and evil. I put my hand on my forehead and began to think. Those words were ringing in my ears and I still remember it to the present. The words struck me and made me sit up and take notice. I should live life to the fullest and that I should not disappoint those who showered me with love, affection and material things. I could not disappoint them and from that day on, I took stock of my behaviour and set goals for myself. That day was the day I began to change. I was eager to turn over a new leaf and I definitely said that I am a better person today than before.

Me

Is it that you can't be yourself because you know that people wouldn't like you so you're left with no choice but to be like someone else? It's getting on my nerves, it's not fair. There can be only one of me and no one can be as good as me but me. Grow up. It's acceptable for someone younger to do so but this is different.. wtf man seriously?

Lies

I hate how I still have that little feeling in me, I hate how I can't just leave it behind and forget about it, I hate how I pretend and lie to myself about it, I hate it. I don't want anything to do with it. It bloody sucks and it's slowly killing me. I know I'm stronger than this, what happened to me? Keeping myself busy is so far the only way not to think about it. Maybe that's why I love being busy, I just get to forget everything. At least for awhile. So much emotions and feelings bottled up in me, I just don't know who and when to pour it all out. I've always been the type of person who bottles everything up and it's not good. Now that bottle's slowly breaking. It amazes me how I can just pretend everything's fine when it's clearly not.

Literally broke down in school, in the teachers room. I stormed out like a bitch crying and just pushed everyone who came running behind me trying to comfort me away. Stress and feelings has got into me. I need a break.