Family (Bestfriends)

I've never truly been MYSELF around anyone, literally anyone until this year. I've accepted the flaws I have thanks to the people who came into my life unexpectedly. Yes I know I brag about these people a lot but I just can't be any happier and thankful of them. I've learnt to be just be me with anyone, but I'm the most comfortable around them. These group of people, are the people everyone needs in their life.

2014

Even after going through so much shit so far this year (as if I don't every year, wait actually more than usual) this year has topped off the years I thought that was amazing. I found a group of people who I know truly cares and loves me for who I am, with all the flaws I have. They have never and don't even need to say that they do because they show it, I can see it so clearly. Let's just say I found this group of people who are somehow similar to me. Never have I been so comfortable with people and I am so thankful to call them family. Idk I just feel so lucky and grateful. They are the people who I can call at 4am asking for help and they would come all the way. I've lost the people I thought who cared, but I've gained this group of people who actually do care. "No ragrets "

Flow

It has been a very long time since I've felt this way about someone. The rush, the warm feeling. I'm confused.

Let's just say

I am very content, I have never been happier.

Lies

All I do is lie, lie to myself about something or someone. At the end of the day, reality hits and all you get is dissapointment and sadness.

Sorry

I'm sorry, this isn't gonna work out.

What if

"What if clouds and lakes switched spots and every time you looked up you'd see waves being pulled by the moon and we'd wade through the clouds on a hot day. What if birds grew grass and the ground grew feathers. What if flowers were as tall as trees and trees as small as flowers."

Miracle

I walked over to the starting line with two other girls, those girls are the best and fastest runners in school. The sun shone like a torch in a mirror. As I put my hands before the starting line and bend down to my knees, a bead of salty sweat dripped down to the grass. All I could do was doubt myself, doubting that I wouldn't be able to even be as close to them when we sprint to the finish line. I was nervous, I felt intimidated and my heart was pumping really hard. Coach blew his whistle to signal us and off we ran. 10 meters away from the starting line I was already behind them, I shouted "FUCK" and started chasing up to them. Half way to the finish line, I turned my head to the left and found out I caught up and passed one of the fastest runners in school and all I could do was smile 'til the end of the finish line. "Look at that, all your hard work lead you to this, over taking one of the fastest runners in school" said coach. I nodded my head and walked away gasping for air. Because of this little miracle happened during athletics training, it made me believe that I can be so much more better if I actually work hard for it.

Sunlight

Under the mid-day sun, every inch of land was baked to golden brown. I slowly walked towards the path that leads me home. I sighed and looked up at the sunny blue sky. I was in dilemma. Upon reaching home, I went straight to my bedroom and lay on my bed. I closed my eyes. My brain had become the battle field between good and evil. I put my hand on my forehead and began to think. Those words were ringing in my ears and I still remember it to the present. The words struck me and made me sit up and take notice. I should live life to the fullest and that I should not disappoint those who showered me with love, affection and material things. I could not disappoint them and from that day on, I took stock of my behaviour and set goals for myself. That day was the day I began to change. I was eager to turn over a new leaf and I definitely said that I am a better person today than before.

Me

Is it that you can't be yourself because you know that people wouldn't like you so you're left with no choice but to be like someone else? It's getting on my nerves, it's not fair. There can be only one of me and no one can be as good as me but me. Grow up. It's acceptable for someone younger to do so but this is different.. wtf man seriously?

Lies

I hate how I still have that little feeling in me, I hate how I can't just leave it behind and forget about it, I hate how I pretend and lie to myself about it, I hate it. I don't want anything to do with it. It bloody sucks and it's slowly killing me. I know I'm stronger than this, what happened to me? Keeping myself busy is so far the only way not to think about it. Maybe that's why I love being busy, I just get to forget everything. At least for awhile. So much emotions and feelings bottled up in me, I just don't know who and when to pour it all out. I've always been the type of person who bottles everything up and it's not good. Now that bottle's slowly breaking. It amazes me how I can just pretend everything's fine when it's clearly not.

Literally broke down in school, in the teachers room. I stormed out like a bitch crying and just pushed everyone who came running behind me trying to comfort me away. Stress and feelings has got into me. I need a break.

So Long Farewell

GOODBYE 2012

*raise glass* To a new start! *cling*

Time

After months and months of thinking about the what if's I've finally come to realize I have no point or reason to be doing that. I have wasted nights with unreasonable thoughts going in my mind, a few tears and all those rants to certain people. "Let go" is something I hear and see so often, it seems so easy to do but it's one of the hardest things I could ever do. You can't force that feeling out of you even how much you try. It takes time. It took me quite sometime and it's time for me to finally say I've let go. Being alone for the past few months helped me so much. It helped me find myself again and grow into someone better than before. I might have lost one but I gained many more who are willing to be there through the ups and downs. I've confronted and apologed for what I have done/been to people I've hurt. I'm letting go of the past so more wonderful things can come into my life and so I can be happier.

One day, I'll find that special someone. Who can make me feel the way I've felt when I was in love or just make me feel loved. There's is someone for me out there and I won't get to find that someone if I keep sticking to the past.

Cheers to letting go of the past

Artist VS Poet

"Never thought goodbye would come so very quick.
But your wish is my command, command my wish.
Should you ever change your mind, just please remember this:
That I have loved you always and forever more."

Love them, Love their songs, I just love them.

Standing tall

I am ready and can't wait to start a new year, I just wanna start fresh. This year's passing by really quickly. Good. It's not that I hate this year or anything. Many things had happened, good or bad it happened for a reason and I'm glad for the things that happen happened. I wouldn't be here standing tall (not literally) and stronger than before if all those things I went through this year didn't happen. And of course I didn't go through it by myself,I thought I was but I had so many people helping me go through it that I just didn't see and I am so thankful now. I might have lost some people who helped me along the way but I also gained more than I lost. No regrets. I am pretty proud of myself but I wanna make myself prouder especially in studies. I've worked so hard to achieve something I've always wanted since I started which is cheerleading. I have managed to be better than before and to represent the wonderful country I live in.  It's nothing that big but you know it feels good. It is a great honor. And now I just need that same strive I have for cheerleading in my studies. I know I can. I just need to stop being a pig. Oink.

Feel

I, Xenia Zuniga Chiam is in need of a full body massage. I am so sore you people have no idea how I feel, I feel so uneasy and I really think I'm gonna fall sick soon. Practices on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays can kill. I am starting to dislike doing tosses, especially level 6 tosses. It's a pain in the bum bum. I've new bruises after every practice, It's not pretty and it hurts! Sometimes I feel like a punching bag..

Fly

Back X-out

Back Layout

Slumber

day and night I am always tired but at night I stay up just late enough until I am exhausted enough until I can fall into my bed and into immediate slumber because I can't stand to lie in my bed in a dark room alone with my thoughts for so many hours

Unexpected

July was a wonderful month it was a month filled with events, good news and birthdays. July babies for the win! I 'kind of' achieved my July goal? I changed my guitar string and managed to learn a few chords by myself through Youtube. School has been great I can pay more attention in class now and I've started studying for my year end examination, I need to really buck up on my studies i'm not even kidding. Cheerleading on the other hand has been going great too, four days a week three hours a night of practice soon to be five days since there's a competition coming up in Tokyo which i'm really excited about! It's August now and it started very unexpectedly, I'm praying and hoping everything will be fine and healthy.

I will move on for you, I'm strong because of you.

" It's funny how when you were with someone for so long, you tend to still remember the things they do, the things they have, the songs the listen to the events they have even after you stopped dating. I find it amazing how some of you words still seem so lucid in my heart. I am honestly doing pretty okay without you, I've grown stronger and happier. I'm not gonna lie, there are days when I start relating you to everything people say or do, days when I start reading that note you wrote which I bring it everywhere I go, days when I look at our old messages and your pictures, days when I listen to songs that reminds me of you, days when I stare into the thin air and start thinking about the 'what ifs'. Are we really better off without each other? You say, you're not the one for me what if I'm the one for you? " - anonymous